Mr. Right vs. Mr. Good Enough

It seems like no matter your race, culture, color, or ethnicity women all across the globe get the marriage bug at one point or another in their late 20's - early 30's...

However across the globe the message on what to do when you find a man is as variant as the wind...

We all know the Black woman's mantra, Don't Settle! Make a list and don't stop dating until you find the man that you want...(Even if that means your now 40, alone, childless and lonely, just keep searching for Mr. Right, he's out there somewhere!!)

But of course this message is not a universal for all women!  Found an article this weekend arguing the case for why women should settle for Mr. Good Enough....

It's written by a single white female, she's a doctor, successful and savvy, who waited and waited and never found a man with everything on her list, so in true independent woman style since she had her money right, her career tight, got invitro fertilized and had a baby on her own.

Now in her forties, she takes her son to the park and has picnics with the other single invitro moms that she knows watching families together playing and realized career, independence, money, baby and all, she still wanted to fall in love, and be married.

She writes, "when we're holding out...we have the fantasy that the (next one) will make us happier, but marrying Mr. Good Enough may be a viable option if you're looking for a stable reliable life companion"...

She believes that settling has a bad wrap, because the day to day tasks of marriage are not about being swept off your feet or whisked off to an exotic island every other weekend, its a partnership formed to run a small non profit business, your household! (this kinda makes sense doesn't it. every day of your relationship can't be something out a movie)

Ultimately marriage isn't about cosmic connections and lists, its about having a phenomenal teammate that you can function with day in and day out

After spending a significant amount of time with the married women in her mommy and me classes listening to them constantly complain about their husbands she was glad she held out for "The One", until she realized no matter how much they complained they wouldn't trade places with her for a million bucks.

She realizes that having a decent husband who takes out the trash, puts together baby gear and other furniture projects, provides a second income so you can be a part time or stay at home mom, is way better than working 60-70 hours a week to support your family, babysitters, housekeepers, and lifestyle alone, really doing it all by yourself, who cares if she had a man that wasn't "The One".

She admits that in her 30's she would have never even entertained the idea and broke up with many a boyfriend waiting for "The One", realizing now most of them would have ended up pretty decent content husbands. But in her 30's settling seemed like an enormous act of resignation.

She says as your priorities change from romantic cosmic connections with "The One", and I'll add in personal selfish, superficial wants and you shift to family and long term success priorities your deal breakers change...if he isn't worldly and cultured loving the opera and the ballet, does that really matter if he's a great dad who not only respects you but really gets you? Bullshit and quirks alike....

She blames "The One" phenomenon on our idealizing of marriage, our unrealistic view and the assumption that there's a permanent divine spark in marriage.

She believes if more women understood the reality of marriage, its hard cold benefits and the world of compromise many would probably date differently..and not walk away from Mr Good Enough..

"Choosing to spend your life with someone who doesn't enjoy at least a majority of the small things that you do might be considered settling at 30 but not at 40, its considered an unselfish adult compromise..."

She realizes that settling for her UN-ideal man at 40 probably means he's settling for her too.. with her wrinkles and sag over a younger, perkier 20 or 30 year old.... now that she's older she also realizes her life isn't as interesting or adventurous compared to when she was 20 or 30.. so as less alluring the men she dates are becoming to her, she has to accept the fact that she is definitely less alluring to them too..  She says it's "all the more reason to settle, while settling is still even an option".

Because essentially Mr. Good Enough IS Mr Right if you just let him be.

Read the full article by Lori Gottlieb in the March issue of The Atlantic,

Carrie Pink
Pretty World Inc
Modern Day Supergirl


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