The Three Types of Dads

Yesterday we may have talked about the traits of a REAL man but how does that translate into being a father? In my book there are 3 types of dads out there

Bad dads
Decent dads
Great dads

If you are a man, which category do you fall into? What type of dad do you think you are, or will be?  For both men and women, what type of dad was your dad? Ladies what type of dad is your kids dad?

There is a 15 page article written by Home and Garden Publications analyzing what they consider the different father types. They call it the good, the bad, and the uninterested. They have 2 categories for good fathers, one is the good provider dad whom I classify as a decent dad and one is the involved dad, whom I classify as a great dad. They don't have a separate category for great dads which I think is unfair.

Bad dads to me are absentee dads, abusive dads, deadbeat dads, dads in denial, or the ever so popular sometimish dad. Now lets clear something up straight out the gate being a bad dad doesn't automatically write you off as a bad person, however if you aren't willing to have a relationship with a child you created regardless of your relationship with the mother regardless of how the child was conceived regardless of if you don't love the mother or even know the mother for that matter, if your sperm created that baby and it has half of your DNA you have an obligation and responsibility to that child if the mother decides to have him or her, to teach them about life, your family history and about you!!!

Not doing those things, what does that really say about your character on a deeper level? You can be the richest exec, the top lawyer, the funniest, smoothest, or sexiest man on earth, but to walk around knowing you have a child out there who you aren't willing to help develop is pretty deplorable.

Kinda makes all your other achievements not seem so shiny after all. You may be the type of dad who does not see your kid at all or only see them once in a blue where you come bearing gifts then disappear not to return until the next sand storm rolls in. You may be even worse and actually live with your kids but have no interest what so ever in being a part of their lives, you don't even know its their birthday until their mom reminds you.

Yesterdays traits of a real man told us real men are responsible for their actions and accept any and all consequences, so if you got caught up, slipped up and slipped in lost in the sauce as Usher says don't try to run and hide when the girl who you wouldn't be caught dead with in public, but you were smashing in the dark, tells you she's pregnant.

In my honest opinion men and women both need to be more selective of where they stick their ahem themselves...  but that's a whole other conversation and a whole other set of issues.

Decent Dads are the one who are there majority of the time. You see them you speak to them you may even live in the same house together.  They may be with your mom or not be with her, but you guys still have a relationship. He gives you money when he has some and shows up to your birthday parties to help you cut the cake. If he lives together with your mom he's there helping out with the work of raising you and the discipline. But their is something missing keeping him from being a great dad. 

Decent Dads miss out on a lot of major opportunities to connect deeper with their kids because subconsciously they don't want to be inconvenienced or don't know how to connect with their kids. Decent Dads often spend too much time working and when they come home they are aggy, tired, they want to be left alone relax, eat, watch tv, have a beer and do nothing. 

To a Decent Dad, Moms deal with the kids. Decent Dads are somewhat selfish, they are doing just enough to be acknowledged but nothing to earn them more than a tie and socks on fathers day. Decent Dads are the ones who never really talk to you about anything besides the weather and school, they never ask their kids how they feel about situations they don't know their kids hidden talents and they are shocked when they find out their daughter has breasts and a boyfriend.

Decent dads are the ones who wont turn off the game when their kids are asking them to come play even though this is the 10th time the kid has asked today and the 10th time dad has said no. Decent Dads are there but don't really know whats going on with their kids. They don't spend enough quality time with the kids ALONE they don't take the time to get to know them without the mom being around!

They can't tell you the last time they took their kids out to dinner alone, or to the park and played tag with them instead of just watching from the side. Decent Dads only do what they feel like doing and not what they don't feel like doing. They have not mastered the concept of sacrifice and submission in regards to their kids.

How many dads out there have skipped church with your family more than once to watch a game? C'mon raise your hands high.

All I know is that if you miss a good game ESPN will always have the highlights but there are no highlights for your kids life there are no instant replays, if u miss a moment its over, you missed it.

Trust me Decent Dads your kids love you none the less, but by the time they reach 25 realizing all the things you didn't teach them and all the lessons they didn't learn at home, and all the moments you missed, they will wish just a little bit that you were a little more hands ON, deep down, although they'll never say it out loud. A lot of Decent Dads think they are really Great Dads and their families let them as to not bruise their egos.

Now on to the Great Dad, he understands the balance of his roles, and that to be a great father he really needs to step it up, so he goes above and beyond the minimum requirements, that the Decent Dad hovers at,  he knows he has to be pseudo-mom-like with his level of concern and involvement in his child's life.

He understand sacrifice and after a hard days work he will still come home, play Wii with his boys or tea party with his girls. He understands that his level of involvement or lack of involvement has a direct impact on the emotions,  self confidence, and mature development of his children.

This Dad takes his daughter out on father-daughter dates to show her exactly how a man should treat her and teaches his son that chivalry is not dead, shows him how to be a gentleman and that any woman his son disrespects is a disrespect to his own mother as a fellow woman! He teaches his son that women are not bitches and hoes and that any woman who acts outside of her GODDESS-NESS is just lacking self love and probably didn't have a father leading her in life. He teaches his son to not exploit a woman and her weaknesses or insecurities.

The great dad even when he doesn't have time he MAKES the time and his kids love that about him! They know if they need him for something even if its just to talk, he will drop what he is doing and give them his full attention, no blackberry in hand. They have a routine with him and know that once a month my daddy is giong to do _______ (insert special father-child moment here).

He teaches his kids how to do things no one taught him how to do, he talks to them about things no one talked to him about, he gets inside their heads and tries to understand them and where they are coming from. He really wants to build a connection with them. He brings his son or his daughters out, without their mother so that they can get to know him too. He is the epitome of fatherhood and manhood and it doesn't matter how much education or money he has, or doesn't have, he cares about being the the best dad possible and anything he needs to do that, he goes out there gets it, does it, or learns it. He understands that his life is not all about him, but sometimes he has to sacrifice for the happiness of his family and his children. He doesn't mind acting silly or being the one to wear the clown suit to his kids 3rd birthday party. He knows that children do not understand ego and he places more value in the smile he will get from his kids by being a good sport higher than any egotistical hangups most men would have. Now that's a Great Dad!


ha ha.. you have to wait until June to see who it is!

Carrie Pink
Pretty World Inc
Modern Day Supergirl


Miss Sia said...

My friend just experienced his child being born this morning. He said " Today my healthy son was born and there's no feeling in the world that can replace how I felt when I held him for the 1st time"

I think he's on track to being a Great Dad!

Carrie Pink, Modern Day Supergirl said...

I agree!!! ; )

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