Seven Steps to Courting Yourself.

Let's get back into the getting to know yourself series!

Suzanne E. Harrill wrote a book entitled, "Becoming the Person You Always Wanted to Marry" and in her book she guides us through the road of self discovery and getting to know ourselves better.

She leaves us with 7 steps in getting to know yourself. I will share them with you below, with a combination of Suzanne and my thoughts behind each one. Enjoy!

1. Spend quality time with yourself each day.

Even if you happen to have young children and a full-time job and this is, "Impossible!" Wake up 10-30 minutes before everyone else in your home and enjoy that early morning time as your quality time.

If you happen to live alone, you might say, "But I spend too much time with myself already, I don’t need more." Remember that quality time is not the same as the number of hours you are alone. This time alone is specifically to raise your consciousness, to heal and to integrate all past experiences—to get to know your true self.

2. Journal write for 20 minutes a day about your problems.

Step two is to buy a notebook to begin keeping a journal—not a diary, a journal. What is the difference? A diary reports events and usually makes sense if another were going to read it. A journal, on the other hand, is about your emotional reactions to people and events, insights you have in understanding yourself, lists of such things as your needs, wants, values, and goals. You write about your dreams, both daydreams and dreams during sleep, expressing your feelings and allowing your intuition free range to explore the meaning for you. A journal is a good place to record your guiding beliefs and patterns of behavior that keep you stuck and your new updated ones.

It might include letters that are not mailed to people who have hurt you, even if it happened long ago. Time stops emotionally when you have an emotional trauma and a part of you stays stuck in that time. By writing out your angry, hurt, and sad feelings it helps move those frozen emotional parts of you, bringing the light of understanding with new clarity and interpretations from your aware, adult self, and integrating these experiences.

Journals are not for others to read and do not make sense to anyone else but you. In fact, they are personal and need to be kept out of reach of the curious in your household. Write in your journal a minimum of 20 or 30 minutes a day. Try it for a month before you judge this process.

3. Find helpers, teachers, counselors, mentors, to show you the way.

Many of us were conditioned to keep a stiff upper lip, to be self-sufficient, and to not look outside ourselves when we have a problem. Additionally, if our nature is to be a perfectionist who is hard on her/himself and to feel ashamed to admit to another there are problems, then we are hindering our growth. You will achieve greater awareness when you decide to find helpers. It will be a relief to lett go of control and admit you need help.

4. Find a friend on the self-discovery path.

This may be a new friend or an old friend who has already begun the journey of self-awareness and inner healing. We need support, lots of support, when we are looking at our past experiences and begin changing patterns, beliefs, and behaviors. Peers at about the same stage of self-discovery can help each other by sharing their experiences. Remember to give equal listening time to each other. Sometimes in the earlier stages of our healing we have a strong need to process our feelings, thoughts, and experiences with a kind ear, especially if self-expression is new. If its someone you already know, talk to them about it and see if you can lean on time to hear you out.

5. Step five is to read or listen to audio books.

To learn more about your issues, relationships, spiritual growth, and healing it is helpful to read books or listen to tapes from wise teachers on these exact issues. Thanks to the internet, we are no longer isolated from information to improve our lives, even if we live in a rural place or distant country. One of the best investments is to buy a set of headphones for listening to audio books while you are exercising, walking, driving, or cleaning house. There is unlimited information available to help you grow.

6. Step six is to take positive risks.

Once you have a better understanding of yourself through all your diligent work reading and gathering information, talking about your problems with others, expressing yourself in your journal, writing about your insights, goals, dreams, values, etc., it is time to act on your new awareness. You cannot stay in the safe cocoon of information-gathering forever; you need to put into practice the ideas you have been learning to make them work for you. As you make new choices you will learn what works for you and what does not. It is now necessary to take risks to move forward.

How do you know if you are ready to take risks? One sign is that you are buying books faster than you can read them. Another is noticing that the same thing is being said in every book you are reading. These are indictors that it is time to actualize your new level of awareness.

7. Step seven is to enjoy.

There is a tendency to feel a little guilty when your life starts improving. You actually are creating your life consciously and getting results that you like. Others may say things like, "Boy, you are lucky, why doesn’t that ever happen to me?" What you have been doing is a secret to most people, so you really can’t explain that it was not luck or chance that makes your life different. People that want what you have without doing the work do not need to stop you from enjoying what you have achieved. Remember to spend time with those who love and support your new growth.

; ) Good Luck

Carrie Pink
Pretty World Inc
Modern Day Supergirl

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