Listening and Beaing Heard

Welcome to Part 3 of this weeks series, getting to know ourselves better!

Another classic and very vital piece of the puzzle in getting to know ourselves is determining whether we are good listeners when others speak and whether we are being heard when we speak.

Just briefly, listening is not talking or interrupting. When you want to listen you have to actually be quiet. You cannot be planning what your response is going to be while the other person is talking. That is not listening either. You could be missing the entire point when you do that.

A Listening process has 4 parts.

1. Sensing- That means actually using your ears and your ears to hear what is being said.

2. Interpreting- That is trying to figure out if you understand what you are hearing.

3. Evaluating- This is the process of determining how you feel about what you are hearing.

and finally

4. Responding- sharing your interpretation of what you heard to determine whether or not you understood correctly, and then once that is confirmed, sharing how you feel or what you think about what you heard.

Most of us do not follow this map for listening. We hear, interpret, evaluate and respond all in the wrong order, we hear and evaluate and then respond, we interpret without ever confirming the interpretation with the speaker..

This is what causes arguments and miscommunications....

Do you see how that is possible? As we have learned this week everyone's style of communication and delivery is different, but not asking questions and trying to confirm what they are saying is a recipe for disaster...

so now it's your turn to speak, how do you know if you are being heard of not?

O magazine posted a great post with tips on how to make sure you are being heard. I will share their tips with you all. They say there is an entire skill set associated with the being heard that people need to work on.

1. Notice how the person you are speaking to is reacting. If they are avoiding eye contact with you, interupting you or looking disinterested, they are not listening to you. Ask them if they would like to discuss this at a later time or just offer to shelf the topic until a later date that you both agree on

2. If you want to offer a person advice or help them on a particular topic, first tell them, I was thinking about your situation and I have a suggestion, would you like to hear it or like to know what I think? Can I share my perspective with you? That gives them a chance to say No and saves you from wasting your breath giving unwanted advice

3. If the person you are talking to is checking their blackberry, twitter, facebook, watching a basketball game or reading the paper while you are talking, chances are they are not listening. Ask for their undivided attention, if they give it to you but still check their cell phone text messages in between, you may different communication styles, some people respond to emotional storytelling, others need you to get straight to the point or they get bored, try to figure out their style and approach them with it if you can.

4. "No matter what, you can't go wrong by first showing interest in what other people say and making them feel important, in other words the better you listen, the more you'll be listened to" -O Mag 11/09

makes sense yes?

Carrie Pink
Pretty World Inc
Modern Day Supergirl


VERONICA said...

Now Miss CP, I have to say that when IM doin the talking, I'd I feel you're not interested or aren't paying attention, I DO stop and make it known that I realize this and given the attitude that comes with it, that's usually enough to get them right! :-) wrong, I know.........I do wonder though, in reference to I believe #2, is it possible to multi-task? I've listened and understood while searching my phone, on the computer or looking at TV - in my case, sometimes it's THOSE things I'm not paying attention to! :-)

Carrie Pink, Modern Day Supergirl said...

Multi-tasking isn't for everyone some people can do it, some can't!

If you can and the person doesn't mind you doing other things instead of giving them your undivided attention It's cool I guess.

But it depends on how the speaker feels about it, if they are ok with u multi-tasking, not if you feel you are capable of doing both.

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