Do You Suck?


Chris at www.HowNotToSuck.com wrote a great article called, "You probably Suck at Relationships" Here are his thoughts, ad-libbed by Carrie Pink

Raise your hand if you've ever been in a relationship.Now lower your hand if you are currently in a relationship that has lasted more than 3 years. If your hand is still up, you probably suck at being in a relationship. If it's not up, you may still suck at it anyway.

Now I know what you're thinking: you're thinking "you don't know me, who are you to tell me I'm bad at being a boyfriend or girlfriend?" Well, most people you suck at it because nobody's ever told them how to not suck at it. Until now.

Carrie Says- Think about it? Did anyone ever sit you down and say this is how you survive a relationship? This is how you should act when s/he acts this way, this is how you should feel? Nope. relationships are literally trial and error, that's why they are so much work. Trial and error until you get it right. It's tough figuring out another person. They don't react the way you expect and don't answer the way you want, its the joining of two unperfect people trying to find common ground and connections together. Writing it all out it sounds almost impossible, but if people can do it for 50 years plus, then so can you.

Back to you Chris!- The key to a healthy relationship, professionals will tell you, is communication. They are half right. The other half is what I'm going to start with, which is knowing when to keep that fly-trap of yours shut, and when to nut up and take responsibility for effing up. I'll begin with an example from my own life. I recently made two serious mistakes with my girlfriend in under a week. The end result? No change at all, because I'm not a moron.

Guys, when you screw up with your girlfriend there are three things you can do. You can try to shift responsibility to her, you can try to minimize its importance, or you can be a effing man, nut up, and apologize. If you do the first, you're giving her the right to slap you in the face with a waffle iron for being far too stupid for anyone's good.

If you're a good boyfriend, you know enough to shut the hell up when she's telling you what you did wrong, and if she's right then you apologize for it and make a mental note to not do that thing again. Incidentally, apologizing is often followed by sex, so even if you didn't screw up it's sometimes worth apologizing anyway, but you didn't hear that from me. (LMFAO! This guy is sharp!)

When I screwed up, and she told me what I'd done and why she was upset, there were several places where I could have said things like "but if you were done anyway, what's the problem?" or "but I was going to do it eventually" or "that's rubbish" I didn't say those though, because that would have been me trying to PLAY DOWN THE IMPORTANCE OF HER BEING HURT!(Chris is crazy insightful, WOMEN HATE WHEN MEN DO THAT) Instead I stopped and thought about it, realized that it was an ass thing for me to do, and I apologized for it.

Now, the other side of this is when your girlfriend thinks you screwed up but you didn't. In that case you look at what you did, realize you didn't do anything wrong after all, and say so. Women, if your guy does that, it's your job to decide whether you're the one who needs to apologize (which, again, is often followed by sex) for accusing him. If neither of you think you should apologize, then whichever of you doesn't really care about the outcome should GIVE IN, because it's clearly important to the other person.

Take it from here Carrie- There goes a new term, GIVE IN.. what does "give in" mean? It's a synonym for SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE, we talked about pride yesterday and how terrible it can be for your life. Pride is deadly to a relationship as it is to your personal development, growth, and blessings.Sometimes even when you are right, or just feel like the other person is wrong you have to just give in because resolving their hurt feelings is more important than trying to prove a point!

Egos and Pride do not belong in relationships. Save them for your friends and your job. Your partner should be the person you are most vulnerable with, most humble with, most truthful with and you are able to do all of these things because you also feel the most PROTECTED with them. Once you don't feel protected, then you don't trust them with your spirit, and feel that things are not genuine from the,. you won't allow yourself to be vulnerable, humble, or truthful. You will be busy protecting yourself FROM YOUR OWNPARTNER..... Who wants to live like that? Might as well just have a jump-off

Do you see how one emotion can snowball affect the outcome of your entire relationship and your life?  You shouldn't be playing games with your partner, say what you mean and mean what you say. No testing them to see if they will do what you want or get upset to see if they will show they care. We are all adults. Ask for what you want. No one is a mind reader, male OR female for that matter...

Chris says- Now, back to communication. You need to know when to shut up, but you also need to know when not to stay quiet. I know someone who lost his family because he and his wife weren't communicating well. You want to know what eventually happened to him? He swallowed his pride, nutted up and admitted his part in it, she admitted hers, and they're back together doing fine now.

If you want to be happy in your relationship, and there's something stopping you from doing that, then tell the other person what's wrong so they can effing fix it! And if you're happy in your relationship but you suspect your partner may not be, ask them what's wrong, because if you don't know about it you can't help. If you are unhappy in your relationship and your partner doesn't know it, it's your own damn fault for sucking at communicating how you feel.

Make sense? Hope so. Don't Suck!

xoxo
Carrie Pink
Pretty World Inc
Modern Day Supergirl!

 
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