A Man Only Wants 3 Things...

borrowed from Dominique Carter, who borrowed it from another girl, who borrowed it from the original writer ; )

I can’t speak for 100% of the men in the world, but I can speak for just about all of the REAL MEN, and if you’re interested in dating and maybe someday marrying a REAL MAN, then play close attention.

I know this is a very sensitive topic that’s going to fire up a lot of you so called INDEPENDENT WOMEN. (FYI, I really don’t care). If you’re as smart as you think you are then you’ll put your degrees, salaries and job titles to the side and pay close attention to what the hell is being said. Now don't front, I know you want to get married, have a few kids and live that so called American Dream, but some of you women are making a few mistakes in trying to attain the sacred title of "WIFE".

First off, I know you work hard at your job. I know you take care of the kids. I know you’re in school. I know you want a social life. And I know you want keep the hair and nails on point. Big effin deal. News flash, we don’t care about all that. These are things you’re supposed to handle whether you’re in a relationship or not. Am I right??? We just want u to take a little time out of your week to get in the kitchen and make a meal or two. I know you’re the new and improved professional woman and you have a lot of responsibilities. That’s not an excuse to making a meal or two.

Guess what, it won’t keep you from getting that promotion or raise. I PROMISE. (Cooking on Birthdays, Anniversaries or Thanksgiving doesn’t count). Now, REAL MEN understand that there will be times that you will not be in the kitchen and he MIGHT have to make a meal for you too. We get it. The shoe does fit on the other foot. We have to contribute just as much as you do, but your schedule or career is not an excuse. I'M HUNGRY DAMNIT.

Learning to SHUT THE HELL UP is soooooooooooo important. Men are very simple creatures. We don’t need a bunch of smoke and mirrors to make us happy. All we want is our piece of mind. It’s priceless to us and we’ll go through great lengths to get it. It’s so valuable to us that we won’t answer the phone when you call, won’t go straight home after work or just sit in the living room all Saturday to avoid foolishness. We cherish our sports, or time with our friends and an occasional trip to let loose, but other than that we don’t really need much but some peace.

When we’re watching the game, do us a favor and don’t say a damn thing. Just bring us food and drinks. Don’t ask the score, or how long are you going be watching or whatever pointless question you can come up with. Your bothering us damit. Sundays and Monday nights belong to us in our minds. We need that time to unwind and be the dirty, nasty, greasy, loud ass men that we were before we got into this relationship/marriage. SHUT THE HELL UP AND LEAVE US THE HELL ALONE.

Yes we love you. Yes you are special to us. Yes we respect you. But what does that have to do with you doing some nasty ish in the bedroom?? Yes we want head for no reason at any time of the day. Yes we want you to swallow. YES. Yes, when the wind blows a certain way and we get that urge we want it right then and there. Yes we want to spank you, Yes we want tie you up and blindfold you, YES we want to pull the camera out (I mean not me uh, uh, uh, yeah, uh, not me lol). YES DAMNIT, YES.

I know your mama told you to act like a lady at all times. I know you don’t want your man to look at you like you’re a nasty freak. Let me let you in on a lil something, HE WANT’S YOU TO BE A NAST Y FREAK. He just doesn’t want everyone else to know how nasty you are. Be every little nasty fantasy that his imagination can come up with. But ladies, make sure you keep a very clean resume. Don’t go to Miami, Cancun or Vegas and jump off with 3 bouncers, 2 promoters or a DJ to get in the party for free and not expect your man to find out. You can get cut off for shit like that. Whatever you did with your ex-BOYFRIENDS is cool. So turn your man out. Lick his balls. Make him look at you funny like, “who the hell is this woman”. Then do it again.

Carrie Pink
Pretty World Inc
Modern Day Supergirls


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