A Series of Questions: Negotiable or Non Negotiables?

do you think its wrong to stop dealing with a man:
1) b.c of his strict religion (7 day adv.)
2) b.c he's 37 and she's 29
3) b.c he doesnt socially drink or eat meat and she does
4) b.c he doesnt like her music (R&B and Hip Hop) which she's passionate about.

Even though he's a good man with everything else. Is that being shallow????? You seem to spit knowledge..what's your take on that?

Well here goes.. the best thing about being with someone different than you is that you get to learn new things and appreciate the differences among people.. the hard part is recognizing that differences do not mean getting the person to change their ways and be like more like your way when you don't agree with something they like or do...(the toughest lesson much easier said than done!!!)

Some of my answers may seem premature to you since the question is should you stop dealing with a man if... but I think the mistake a lot of us make when dating is not thinking big picture and imagining our life with x,y,z person long term, my thing when I finally figured this out was if I can't see myself with you long term, there is no dating phase...

1. religion is a tough negotiable for some people, i think in the long run it will be hard to have a household with two religions if you ever decide to have children, some people convert to their spouses religion, would you if you guys made it that far? I think it depends on what both of you value and whether its really important that you are all practicing the same thing and reading from the same book. For some people their partners faith isnt as important as long as they keep their own in order.

2. Age is just a number in a lot of relationships. it's negotiable in my book. 37 and 29 isn't that big of a gap, both of you can actually have the same mentality and be in the same place, since women mature faster than men. It can work if the chemistry is there and you both want the same things, if he wants to start a family but you aren't finished traveling the world well then you are going to enter indifference... you have to see where you both are in your lives and what your immediate goals are

3. Lifestyle choices for some people are non negotiable, but that's silly to me because lifestyle is something that changes constantly, with time and experience, my lifestyle today is not what it was 10 years ago so just because he doesn't eat meet today doesn't mean he still wont eat it 10 years from now, for that matter, you don't even know if you will still be eating meat 10 years from now!!!! So why would that be a deciding factor as to whether or not date someone, as long as he isn't pressing you to become vegetarian and as long as you aren't pressing him to take a drink or he looking down at you because of that drink you took then a couple with these differences can be just fine.

4. Cultural differences again fall into the negotiable category.. I love Pop, R&B, and neosoul, my fiance loves hip hop, reggae and soca, but that doesn't cause us any conflicts..he thinks its funny that my favorite artist right now is Britney Spears and downloads it for me ; ) ... If this guy doesn't like hip hop and r&b what kind of music does he like??? Are you totally against the music he likes? Have you ever tried listening to his favorites? does he respect your passion for the music that you like or does he bash it??? if he is bashing it then other differences you have will probably be bashed too and then in a nutshell yes you need to cut his ass to the curb, but if he respects your choice and you respect his, you are good money.

Everyone has shallowness in them and we should fulfill our strongest shallow "Non-negotiable" to be truly happy in my opinion. So if you know getting someone tall dark and handsome and that IS A MUST for you don't marry the uggmug.. why because you will be wondering what if what if and be unhappy...

Now if level of attractiveness is negotiable for you but religion is not, well then don't marry a Jew if you are a Christian...

I tell all my single lady friends.. make The List.. you know what I am talking about.. and then go back over it and star the NON-negotiable, put the list away and 6 months later pull it out and see if you need to remove some stars or add some... and seriously use the list when you find someone you like and then you will really see how many stars get taken off....lol why? because a good partner may not fit into your fantastical world of stared traits on a piece of paper as well as they fit into your heart ; ) ie. The everything else you referenced above ; )

Carrie Pink
Pretty World Inc
Modern Day Supergirl


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